The Quality of life
by TheEternalSinner
Summary: She hates me, oh God she hates me so much. In her version of the world I did the worst thing possible. I didn't follow the path she had so carefully laid out for me. I broke the rules of her reality. I was the first thing she didn't manage to control.


This probably cannot be considered a story about love. Well, at least not about the average love you, one who belongs to the human kind, is used to. I am assuming you are human of course.

This story is about her. And well, me, but far more about her. Because she is the one who keeps me alive, the one who forces me to keep breathing. I am just a tiny factor in this story. The final piece of a very complicated puzzle. Not necessary to reveal what is on the picture but essential to make the product whole.

That's right. I complete her. And I feel very proud of that. One of the very few things in my life that I have the right to be proud of. Because you see, before I came here, before I was robbed of my safe normality's I had myself surrounded with, I wasn't a very good example of a human. My life didn't have much value. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to be here if it wasn't for the fact that only the ones that wouldn't be missed, that no one mourned, ended up here.

In other words, me.

_The wall I was facing appeared to be even more dirty and worn out than the rest of the building. Something I thought was impossible. I sat on the floor, hugging my knees and my back facing the door. I was shaking my body to the right and left and quietly hummed a song. There wasn't exactly more to do in this room._

_Suddenly I heard footsteps approach. My song died and I prayed they would pass by to another door with another unlucky person inside whose day was about to get even worse._

_But no. It was me. It has probably always been me and it will always be me. The world just appears to work like that. Well, either that or the years inside this square of gray concrete walls are really starting to get me._

_I heard the heavy metal door open but I refused to turn around. If the door opened and it wasn't time for food it could only mean something bad._

_The door was wide open now and I knew someone was standing at the entrance. They didn't speak, and I grew anxious. Of course I had heard the rumors about the others who had just disappeared overnight. And then there was that horrible sound of gunshots that would ring in your ears for days._

"_I have an offer for you" A male voice whispered. The sound was deafening after silence for such a long time and I had to suppress the urge to scream. That was the hundred time I decided this place was not healthy for me, both my body and my sanity. _

_He continued "You have to take a test" He said. "A science lab is working on new technology and they need a number of subjects to test it out. You have been selected because you still seem rather… fit, for some strange reason. Anyway if you pass the test you will be free to go, to never see this place again. However… if you fail the test…" He hesitated for a moment, as if he was trying to calculate the thing he should say for the best possible outcome. It made me shiver involuntary. " You will come back here again and continue to live in this filth" _

_A lie._

_I knew it immediately. The pitch in his voice raised and he spoke the words in a different way. More sinister and coldblooded. If I would take that test and failed I would probably be killed. Or something far worse than that. He knew that. He was deliberately sending me to my possible doom. There was something very wrong with humanity these days._

"_I'll do it"_

_Anything to get away from this hell they call prison._

That was the first step I took in the direction away from everything humanity calls normal and save. One step closer to waking up.

You see, we humans tend to wrap ourselves in a cloak filled with illusions of safety and happiness. We create the idea that will make us happy instead of finding it. Our whole lives are filled with things, little and big, that we don't like to do but yet we do them because we know, or think we know, that if we don't do those things we won't reach the safety and stability we assume is happiness. I was no other. I tried my best to reach happiness, just like the rest of us. I just sucked at it. Or perhaps my childhood, if you can even call it that, may have had something to do with it. It was at least save to say I didn't reach very far in live. Both me and my life were a mess and I thought most of it was already over.

But then that day came. The day I had told them I'd do it. The day I was shipped. Yes, shipped, the people who worked in the facility didn't see us as humans, merely failed attempt at humans that deserved nowhere better than this place. We were hidden from the world, to rot and be forgotten. We didn't have names, we didn't have numbers. We were just a gray mass off people who had to be stored somewhere.

It all happened so fast. One moment we were in a big truck, all scared to death, the next moment we were all assigned 'vaults'. Which were sterile and very white rooms filled with only the basic needs. Bed, toilet and desk. A heaven compared to our previous rooms. I could do a cartwheel in it. And so I did, lots of them. I think I used to love gymnastics. I went through a lot of brain washing when I was locked up.

After a while I sat down on the bed like thing and waited. Something I was used to by now. I don't know how long it was, it could have been anything between a couple of minutes and a whole day, I sat there but suddenly the alarm went off and I could hear faint screams coming from everywhere. I sat there praying this was part of the test when suddenly the air vent started to make a noise. Something was being pumped into my vault. I just had enough time to panic before everything started to become hazy and I succumbed into a darkness that would last for 20 years.

The rest of the story should be familiar to you.

She was so lonely.

There was no one there for her. Of course, the first time I met her I was filled with so much hatred and confusion that I couldn´t see it. She was trapped inside there just like I was. In the way she saw our world she had done everything right. All those murders and sacrifices were nothing more than a logical course of action. No one was able to reach her there, high above anyone else. She was deaf and blind to the voices of all the humans she encountered. They were all nuisances, mere ants, that should either be used or destroyed. That was how she saw everything until I climbed her throne and, almost on accident, destroyed her. And she hates me for that.

Yes, she hates me, oh God she hates me so much. In her version of the world I did the worst thing possible. I didn't follow the path she had so carefully laid out for me. I broke the rules of her reality, the one where she was omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. I was the first thing she didn't manage to control. I escaped her reality and bashfully conquered her. Thinking that if I would destroy her I could go back to the way everything was. Back to my reality were I was unhappy, but at least were everything made sense. Where it was safe.

Which, of course it didn't.

It couldn't.

It wouldn't.

And it never will.

Not only did a vast amount of time elapse, I myself have also changed to much to ever return to a human society. Going from that world to this one is like living in a gray world and then suddenly see everything in bright colors. I have experienced, learned and seen things that have made me something more than a human. Call it an upgrade, evolution, death, whatever you, like but I cannot live without it anymore. If I were to return to humanity I would go insane. I'd rather stay here forever.

Time may have elapsed outside, here it doesn't. We have our tiny place where everything is constant. We are surrounded. We have nowhere to go. And I know it, we both do but we hide in the illusion of silence we created. I do not know how much time has passed since I came here. It could have been mere days but the possibility that humanity has been wiped from Earth is just as big. We don't know, we don't care. She may be everything that is in here, in our little world, out there she is very vulnerable. There would be no place for her. She only has a very vague idea of how the outside world would be. And even that information is based on the data and videos those scientists have stuffed into her. She has completely different values, I still haven't convinced her that cake is not one of the main things that drive humanity. She is much happier in our tiny illusion so we stay here. Where no one will ever find us.

She may hate me but can't be without me. She can't kill me and she knows it. I am the one thing that connects her with humanity. I am the one who defies her. I am the only flaw, the only thing she does not have control over, in her otherwise flawless world. I am the only thing that is not part of her. A virus, one that forces her to wake up and see. One that breaks her routine and throws hazards on her path. Each day I break her and rebuild her in a different way. She is like a lake and I am the tiny droplet that ripples it. Perhaps only the surface, but it moves. We keep each other alive. Without her I would be like every other human and my body would eventually be used up. Without me she would be dormant, no new sparks in her mind and forever repeating the same things to keep herself functioning. Despite her hate towards me, she loves me for that.

I love her to. No, not in the romantic way. That would be silly. And probably illegal to. No, I love her in a completely different way. In a way that, without her, nothing of me would be left. Without her the colors I have seen would disappear. I simply cannot live without her anymore. We have a symbiotic relation. We need one another.

She makes sure I won't die. And even if I manage to ac she has me, my body, my brain, my soul, backed up. Please, don't ask me how, I am but a mere human after al. I don't have her brain capacities. She herself is also safe for… well a very long time. Most people would call it forever, however I know there is no such thing. But at least until both the sun and the earth burn up we are save. Hidden deep underground and capable of both extracting energy from wind, water, the sun the ground and more, and recycling everything from oil to every breath I take we won't run out of resources. And even when the planet has died I'm not too sure she will do the same. We may easily become the last stars in the universe. But as I said, nothing is forever.

So here we are, eternal chaos in the midst of perpetual silence. The reversed eye of the storm. They, the others , are the silence. They speak but don't say anything. We don't have to speak and are easily the loudest of them all.

My chances to live as a human have passed me by, something I regret, but I am far from dying. I will stay here, trapped, stuck, imprisoned, save, loved, hated, tortured, protected, helped, perhaps even in peace and so much more. It doesn't matter, we live on.

Forever rediscovering the quality of life.

Oh snap! I finished it=D

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandit sucks… right? It probably seems like gibberish to you all but it is supposed to be very deep and intellectual and stuff. Which, even if the message reached you all, I'm ruining right now….

Whatever. Too me it has a very special meaning.

This story can be interpreted in more ways. Even what I wrote about her past can be viewed differently.

I'm not even sure about how Chell lives. It could be that she's just sitting in the room with GLaDOS and just talks to her. It could also be she's lying on one of those beds, unconscious, and wired to GLaDOS so they are in direct contact. I think I like the last option better. That way Chell's really a part of GLaDOS. Which is also kind off freaky. And for some reason I find that cute. I'm weird.

I don't know if this is AU or not. We'll just have to wait until Portal 2 is out. I really hope Valve is not a bitch and has Chell kill GLaDOS for real this time and have Chell join the Half-life gang. (They said Chell could/would be a very important part for the Half life series… Oh dear.)

As for why I haven't updated my other stories in over a year… well…. I don't really want to post that here. I kind of thought no one would care but I kept getting comments so I guess you guys actually like them. I have continued writing them in fact and I hope to continue them soon.

Oh, and sorry for any spelling mistakes. English is not my first language and I still have some trouble with some words, which I find really embarrassing.

Btw… I think I got my title from a Star Trek episode0.o… not sure trough.

Now, before this after note gets longer than the story itself… I hope you enjoyed it and please give me your thoughts. You can also get my e-mail from my page if you like.


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